Gingerlilly Tea

toffeeappledays @ 2009-03-12T13:43:00

2009-03-12T13:48:44Z

I like to dance like a ghost.

i have a few little thigs here:

http://www.gingerlillytea.etsy.com/

toffeeappledays @ 2009-02-22T23:15:00

2009-02-22T23:31:26Z

i have taken in total one hundred and fifty seven polaroids. i have ten of them hanging in my living room. i have a birdcage on my bookcase and three picnic hampers and one little suitcase on top.
there are four secret journals hidden in with my books which there are four shelves full.
little miss tiddlewinkle masks (and a bear one) and rhubarb scented candles.
i have such lovely things but i am so desperate for an old record player. I would play alison krauss and old country music. cold mountain and o'brother where art thou records.
my love sometimes watches films with shooting and blood, but i can't watch. Sometimes when i do, the images wont leave my head for days. it makes me sad and i can never shake off that feeling. my heart goes out to the people even though i know they are just actors. somehow to me, they seem real. everything seems real. i forget that it is just all silly fiction sometimes. i like to believe everything. believe everything people say. pap said once that i shouldnt be too trusting. people take advantage and steal your soul.

a few days ago, my kitchen dresser fell on me. all my teacups and teapots were smashed and i have a poorly foot. i think my heart has finally started beating again. it was terrifying.

toffeeappledays @ 2009-02-18T23:34:00

2009-02-18T23:34:33Z

toffeeappledays @ 2009-02-08T20:09:00

2009-02-08T20:26:31Z

my new white tights have been keeping my toes warm in this snow. It isn't so much fun being kept in doors all day as you are too poorly to go outside. my lungs have been hurting and i have a horrid horrid cough. Elle is poorly too so we have been watching brambly hedge and she has watched me put up my gold painted leaves on the bedroom wall while we listen to "dont sit under the apple tree".
Oh three days ago i was cleaning out a cupboard and came across my lost polaroid camera and some film. I have so many lovely ideas of what to use the film for. Crowns in the snow, pink lemonade in glasses and freshly baked cupcakes on kitchen dressers.

i have started a little etsy shop. i am hoping people might like my things. At the moment i have put a few photographs up but i am making fox, owl and deer brooches and necklaces and wooden hair clips which shall be up ever so soon.

http://www.gingerlillytea.etsy.com/

(my first fox brooch i made)

toffeeappledays @ 2009-01-14T16:23:00

2009-01-14T16:29:57Z

i would like to speak to the moon. ask her where she goes once in a while. and ask her if she could stop my little paws from being so cold.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-11-27T18:29:00

2008-11-27T18:33:08Z

my beautiful fairy.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-11-23T16:21:00

2008-11-23T17:34:33Z

you,appearing

todays sunset never happened.
i was busy collecting goose and duck feathers for my diary. elle in the pram.
when we returned from our outing at the lake, i started to make a leaf crown.
oh, christmas is in five weeks and i would very much like some new glitter paints and some wax seal stamps. maybe a unicorn one.
it is frozen outside and i have been wrapped up in blankets with elle. bellies full of milk.
it is going to snow ever so soon and my love is going to drive me to the woods when it is. i think i shall make an igloo under the trees.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-11-11T21:18:00

2008-11-11T21:32:50Z

papa bear just suprised me with a knock at my door. his hands were so cold. i made him tea and we sat down in the lounge
he isn't so sad anymore. the doctor is trying to make him better. i am trying to make him better.
i do love him.

(for pap)

toffeeappledays @ 2008-11-09T19:17:00

2008-11-09T19:43:47Z

Letters to papa

On anothers sorrow

summer came and went and i didnt even get to blink. i spent so much time alseep.
the leaves have suddenly turned gold and the squirells never looked so elegant. elle coo's when she see's them.
my hair is suddenly half way down my back and it falls into my eyes when i am trying to bake crumbles. soon i shall have to visit the hairdressers and i am scared. i want it to be golden now.
i have fallen in love with dear patrick doyle's music and fed bread to the cygnets at the lake. i have read and re-read about captian oldknowe and festi and linnet.
my list of books to read is getting longer and longer.
i found a beautiful lace collar just like ginny's.
my love and i hid in the nursery spying on the neighbours fireworks. i thought they might burst through the window!

The secret of roan inish ♥

Here are a few more places to find me:

www.myspace.com/toffeeapplephotography
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10543285@N08/
http://www.shelfari.com/gingerlillytea/shelf
http://www.last.fm/user/gingerlilly
http://twitter.com/gingerlillytea

toffeeappledays @ 2008-10-12T21:48:00

2008-10-12T20:53:49Z

I don't think i have held my breath as much as the last three weeks. I feel so anxious all the time that my little tiny baby girl will get hurt or come into danger. People tell me how beautiful she is and my heart swells. I miss her when she is sleeping. i cry when she cries. Cradling her at three am when her tummy hurts.
Nothing else matters anymore. I have sacrificed my life for her now. She is all that matters.

(elle and her big cousin, emily-mai)

toffeeappledays @ 2008-09-27T11:00:00

2008-09-27T10:09:21Z

Elle Kate Louise was born on the nineteenth of september at three thirty two am. she weighed seven pounds ten ounzes and has the most beautifulest little auburn hair. i have spent every waking second with her stroking her cheeks and neck. i wish everyone could meet her.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-09-12T13:36:00

2008-09-12T12:53:45Z

i must apologise. i have not been on for the longest time.
little baby elle is now two days late and my heart aches to meet her.
i have a disease in my pelvis which means i am not allowed to walk and my dear lover is spending his days making me soup and stroking my hair.
i want to say thank you to all the kind people for the gifts and lovely messages.

i know she will be here soon and i shall let you know when my beautiful daughter arrives.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-07-22T15:58:00

2008-07-22T15:18:38Z

sleep little lungs, sleep.

i have started to read francesca lia block's words again. i stopped for a little while. her words make me sad. not because they are tragic or melancholy but because i know that i could never write such wonderful, beautiful sentances. my words don't seem worthy next to hers.
but my love bought me some books and my bones are crying out for her stories.

the last few days, i have been a scientist. sitting on river banks, watching ma wade through the water. she is studying little water creatures. the kind that people seem to forget are alive. water mites and nymphs and beetles. it is my job to identify the little creatures in the tray and tally down the total. we have even caught a few fish, but they are naughty and shouldnt be in our nets.
animals love my ma. i do believe she should live in the water too. she would be the most beautifulest water creature.

i received such wonderful gifts this year.
an old picnic basket, vintage shoes, beatrix potter and alice in wonderland ballets, books, old suitcases, old perfume bottles, little things for my dolls house, vintage photographs, little masks, old doilies and hankies.

i am very lucky.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-07-06T21:22:00

2008-07-06T20:30:21Z

may i tell you a story?

if..

i turn twenty-two this tuesday. i am spending the day with my love and he is taking me to the theatre in london.
i do hope everyone is well and having wonderful dreams and days.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-06-30T16:25:00

2008-06-30T15:27:22Z

tiny maps for my love to follow and sunburnt noses.
my anniversary has been perfect.

tonight we are walking around the park and then my love is putting on a little puppet show on the ceiling for me.

p.s can you spy little baby?
x

toffeeappledays @ 2008-06-27T14:11:00

2008-06-27T13:23:09Z

My heart this week lies with dear prince caspian (and peter penvensie) although i do believe that Jean Marc Perret made such a lovely prince caspian.
In a few days, it will be my loves and my first wedding anniversary. I am taking him on a surprise wooden rowing boat ride with a picnic and little lanterns and bunting to hang up around the willow trees. I shall wear my newest nightdress and patent shoes. My hamper is full of berries and lemonade and i shall be baking little cakes and brambly crumble for his tummy.
i have spent all my pennies on little presents for him and i have been in the kitchen baking raspberry scones.
what have you been spending your days doing?

my little baby will be here in eleven weeks and in two weeks, i shall be turning twenty-two.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-06-03T12:59:00

2008-06-03T11:59:44Z

i have been saving all my pennies in my little peter pot and i counted them all up and bought a little sugar mice family to live in the attic of my dolls house. Their names are peach and melba and cherry and fig.

When I was younger, all my walls were covered in ripped out horse posters and I had written their name in red crayon on the wall next to their picture. They were my friends and I used to make up stories and sit on my bed crossed legged, telling them to the horses.
Now the room is paps and there are no pictures on the walls at all but there are still a few crayoned names. It just makes me sad that I cannot remember what the horses look like anymore.

Ma is taking me to more steam ralleys soon. It really helps my heart. Laughing and twirling.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-05-18T21:38:00

2008-05-18T20:49:06Z

Today i went to pap's house. he made me laugh until my sides hurt and i went all giddy. little bailey sat on my knees and played round and round the garden like a teddy bear with my tummy and he too made me giggle when he tickled me in my sides. eight little fingers and two little thumbs. he kept telling my baby that he loved her and that when she comes out, she can go to school with him and help him with his paintings.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-05-10T21:11:00

2008-05-10T20:31:50Z

i have been making paper mache masks in the garden and flower pressing.
i have also decided that i would like to take up a drawing course.

tomorrow i shall be in the woods and corn fields having a teaparty. join me will you?

my heart now belongs to flower pressing and picnic at hanging rock. This film always reminds me of dear carlos.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-05-05T18:32:00

2008-05-05T17:45:55Z

yesterday i went to the steam fayre. i found in the grass the most brightest buttercup and i wore it in my cardigan button hole for the whole day but it fell out by the ferris wheel and i couldn't see where it had fallen to.
the horses looked so grand on the carousel and i watched pap riding a beautiful white horse with blossom pink reins. when little bailey came off the carousel, he squeezed my hand so tight and said "i rode seabiscuit".
i found a little box full of old watercolours, oil pastels, ink nibs and quills. i have put them carefully away on my dressing table.
we had pancakes with lemon and sugar and we bought fudge and little paperbags of sweets and i can't remember smiling so much.
i think yesterday was my most favourite day of the year so far. what has been yours?

(a drawing by madison-ruth)

toffeeappledays @ 2008-04-29T20:38:00

2008-04-29T19:55:19Z

(i am having a little baby girl. she is my own little tindrum.)

barley drink on my lap, on the carpet and in my knotted hair. splashes on your eyelashes (down your forehead). i have become so clumsy.
sometimes i like to think how life was at seven years old. toto on the car cassette player and you cannot see out the front window (toes do not touch the floor). your heart is a little smaller and so is your forehead. when my heart was smaller, i always thought of being an author. i would have liked to have written on long train journeys to see long lost friends.

the days used to last forever when i was seven.

i have been reading in the papers today about the milkteeth that were found at the haut de la garenne on jersey island. it made me rather sad. those poor children. their hearts didnt get a chance to get bigger. nor their foreheads.

this summer, i am making a little fort by the apple tree in my garden. i can spend my days there writing, drawing and reading to my little baby and napping when it gets hot.

(i hope you like these two songs. They are from my favourite film - rigoletto.)

toffeeappledays @ 2008-04-15T15:01:00

2008-04-15T14:01:36Z

a million little working ants are marching across my chest. it is getting a little harder to breath. there is foxglove in my voicebox. i feel like mount etna. boiled sweets in my cheeks. rhubarb and custard and peach ones too. sugar melting on your tongue, in your throat, in your tummy.
i wish i could buy pap all the stars in the constellations. equuleus and pegasus and lepus and cassiopeia. he gets so sad and my words or penmanship are not enough to make everything better again. And ma. she is sad also.
alot of people are becoming sad and train sets with milk carriages and coal carriages and wood carriages are not enough to make them happy again. wood for the fireplace and milk for the tea.

next week, i am writing my dreams out on old treasure maps and i shall be sending them in bottles up the river. maybe i might also write out a story about how the narwhale fell in love with the great horned owl (and her owlets).

dearest iris has sent me the biggest box of treasure for myself and my little baby. my heart nearly exploded when i opened it up. there are such generous people in this world and i think iris is one of the most (and beth also).

toffeeappledays @ 2008-04-06T18:37:00

2008-04-06T17:44:46Z

there are more and more finger and nose prints on my window. i don't see how they can all have come from me. little smudges like bear kisses. maybe my grizzly bear has been trying to kiss the snowflakes last night.

you know that feeling you get after you have stared into the sun for too long and your eyelashes turn into beads of glitter glue and dewdrops and tiny gold horse hairs? then you can see dust trails dancing around within the rays. i like to think they are fairy dust or babies tears. what do you like to think they are?

on the twenty eighth, i became an aunty to baby emily may.

toffeeappledays @ 2008-03-27T15:58:00

2008-03-27T16:07:28Z

monday
i stayed up past my bedtime glueing together my new little wooden watermill whilst my love painted his model airplanes.
for easter, my grandmother bought me a wonderful edwardian nightgown. I have been wearing it whilst doing my paintings.
what did everyone else get?
i had a little teaparty in my bathroom with almond tea and my new teaset.
i am still making my solar system and also a little wood world on my old brown paper for madison-ruth.

my little bambino has started kicking. like my very own tin drum. it is mostly at bedtime (i think it might secretly be an owl).

toffeeappledays @ 2008-03-18T20:47:00

2008-03-18T21:06:30Z

they flew in diamonds, lanterns on their beaks
keep up tiny robin for the crows will come
huddle with the biggies
eagles and vultures are eating barley sugars on the hilltops
baby seagulls singing to their ma's
but their ma's haven't any blossom to feed them and their little tummies are growling like lions.

hello,
this afternoon i slept and slept. i had one sock on and one sock off and my carousel book next to my pillow. i then played with some paperboats in the bath tub and my love made me french toast.
last night i sat up in bed and watched a little video of my sister's second birthday. I had my flower party dress on with a big pink bow and a little white bow in my hair and i danced around to oranges and lemons and nutmegs in may that ma played on our little tape player. i danced with naomi the most and we spun around in that many circles, i thought i might watch myself fall over (and cut my knee or elbow).
i won sleeping lions. keeping all my muscles and bones still and trying to hold my breath for as long as i could. i think i looked happy. i cannot really remember how i felt at four years old but i smiled alot and grandmother was there and nan-nan and gan-gan. i like to keep memories of them all in my tiny heart. i remember i had rosey cheeks and a freckled nose. baby teeth (but one missing at the front).
who do you like to keep in your heart?

the doctor this morning has said that i should stay at home for a while as i have been poorly.